


TL;DR

by chirusse



Category: Diabolik Lovers
Genre: Drunk Texting, Gen, Implied Sexual Content, Inappropriate Humor, M/M, Sexual Tension, Some Plot, Texting, This Is STUPID
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-17
Updated: 2017-02-15
Packaged: 2018-05-14 13:32:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 10,665
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5745712
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chirusse/pseuds/chirusse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Collections of texts between the brothers that detail their daily lives. This is not a serious fic. I don't even know what this is. Plot what plot. Edit: sometimes plot.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Edited: The phone correspondence is noted above the chat log with [X - to - Y] in which X is holding the phone (labeled "Me") and receiving messages from Y.
> 
> Second Edit: Added timestamps.

**[Reiji - to - Subaru]**

 

**[05:31] Me:**

What is all that noise upstairs?

I told Laito that he is not permitted to bring anymore “guests” home until he cleans the mess in the bathroom.

 

**[05:32] Subaru:**

fuck if i kno

its not him he’s doing crosswords or w/e in the game room

 

**[05:32] Me:**

Are you sure?

 

****[05:32]** Subaru:**

??

what u dont believe me?

come up here and look

 

****[05:33]** Me: **

Obviously I am busy doing other things- else I would have taken care of it.

 

****[05:35]** Subaru:**

fine

what are you doing anyway

must be important

 

****[05:35]** Me:**

Obviously. 

 

****[05:40]** Subaru:**

its ayato hes trying to be a ninja

 

****[05:41]** Me:**

What?

 

******[05:41]**** Subaru:**

holy fuck I dont know

he was throwin a knife around and moving furniture to hide

using darts as shuriken

 

******[05:41]**** Me:**

What? I just bought that recliner last week!

Are there holes in the walls?

I’ll have a talk with him later.

You can tell him he will be fixing any damages caused to the furniture.

 

******[05:42]**** Subaru:**

tell him urself???

 

******[05:43]**** Me:**

Please do not test my patience.

I am very busy right now and do not have time for silly games.

 

******[05:44]**** Subaru:**

fine w/e

ur welcome

 

******[05:51]**** Subaru:**

he blocked the door

i can knock it down tho

 

******[05:51]**** Me:**

No!! Just tell him to stop somehow without damaging the house further!

I can’t believe this.

 

 ** ** **[05:52]**** Subaru**:

well he’s playing loud music and shouting

probably bc he knows ur pissed

ill text him hold on

 

\---

 **[Subaru - to - Ayato]**  

 

******[05:52]**** Me: **

reiji says to stop breaking things and making noise

also stop throwing darts and acting like an idiot

or acting like yourself

 

******[05:53]**** Annoyato: **

WAAT killjoy whatever

tableware otaku can come fight me B )

 

********[05:54]****** Me: **

turn down the music and put the furniture back

i dont feel like dealing with him rn

remember how he was when laito didnt clean the bathroom for three weeks

we never heard the end of it

hes butthurt about the recliner

********[05:54]****** Annoyato:**

FINEEEEEEEEEEEE shitheads

ill send Laito in when he has a chick over

he can fuck on the recliner

 

\---

 **[Subaru - to - Reiji]**  

 

********[05:55]****** Me: **

hes turning the music down and fixing the furniture

more or less

 

********[05:56]****** Royal Pain:**

Thank you. I’ll speak with him later on the matter.

This kind of behavior has gone on long enough.

Really, you would think that someone his age would act with a bit more decorum.

 


	2. Chapter 2

****[Kanato - to - Laito]** **

 

**[01:14] Me:**

Reiji yelled at me ಠ╭╮ಠ

 

****[01:16]** Shitfucker: **

aaww~ what happened

 

****[01:16]** Me:**

I asked him to buy some cake ●n●

 

****[01:17]** Shitfucker:**

aww too bad

maybe you can bribe shuu to go get some

or we can stop on the way home tomorrow

 

****[01:17]** Me:**

i want it now

shuu wont get some are you stupid

he wont even get up for his own snacks

 

****[01:18]** Shitfucker:**

be patient kanato~

reiji is a bad mood

ayato has been sending him emoticons all day

 

****[01:18]** Me:**

What

 

****[01:18]** Shitfucker:**

since he got yelled at about the ninja thing he decided to only talk to reiji with emoticons

 

****[01:18]** Me:**

is he stupid

 

****[01:19]** Shitfucker:**

i dont ask him nowadays

just get the cake yourself if you want it so badly

 

****[01:19]** Me:**

you guys are mean

 

\---

**[Reiji - to - Ayato]**

 

**[02:43] Me:**

Would you please bring your dirty laundry down?

 

****[02:45]** Ayato:**

(•̀o•́)ง

 

****[02:45]** Me:**

Is that a yes?

 

****[02:45]** Ayato:**

ೕ(•̀ᴗ•́)

 

****[02:46]** Me:**

Fine. Tell Laito and Kanato to do the same.

If you see the good-for-nothing, tell him that the washer is free and he can come do his own laundry.

 

****[02:47]** Ayato: **

( ｰ̀εｰ́ )

ฅ(๑*д*๑)ฅ!!

(ノಠ ∩ಠ)ノ彡( o°o)

 

****[02:48]** Me:**

Will you grace with me a translation?

Nevermind.

I’ll ask them myself.

 

\---

**[Laito - to - Reiji]**

 

****[02:49]** Disgusting Glasses Man:**

Please bring your dirty laundry down.

I asked Ayato to deliver the message, but he is being quite impossible.

 

****[02:52]** Me:**

Aww~ poor reiji

do you want to clean these stains too~?

thanks daddy

 

******[02:53]**** Disgusting Glasses Man:**

Stop that.

Tell Kanato to bring his laundry down.

You can use stain remover yourself- I won’t be held responsible for what is left on your unmentionables.

And while you’re at it, tell the good-for-nothing to come and do his own laundry.

 

******[02:54]**** Me:**

You mean Shuuuuuuuu

pushy pushy tell him yourself

plus kanato isn’t here

he went to buy cake

i think he left his phone bc he isnt responding

 

******[02:54]**** Disgusting Glasses Man:**

I told him- no cake! He won’t be having any pudding later, then.

….fine. I’ll tell him.

 

******[02:55]**** Me:**

play nice children~~~

ill bring kanatos laundry

aren’t I such a nice brother~?

 

******[02:56]**** Disgusting Glasses Man:**

Don’t tell me what to do.

Fine. Thank you.

 

\---

 **[Reiji - to - Shuu]**  

 

******[02:58]**** Me: **

Come do your laundry.

 

********[03:02]****** Lazyass:**

what laundry

 

**********[03:03]******** Me:**

Laun-dry: noun

  1. articles of clothing, linens, etc., that have been or are to be washed.



Synonyms: wash, dirty clothes

 

**********[03:07]******** Lazyass:**

dont have any

 

************[03:07]********** Me: **

Do not walk around the house in dirty clothes.

That is beyond disgusting.

 

************[03:25]********** Lazyass:**

took a bath in them

 

**************[03:25]************ Me: **

….I have no words.

 

**************[03:26]************ Lazyass:**

k good

 

\---

 **[Reiji - to - Subaru]**  

 

**************[03:26]************ Me:**

Please go into Shuu’s room and collect his laundry to be washed.

 

**************[03:27]************ Subaru:**

using names now are we

why wont he bring it down himself

 

**************[03:27]************ Me:**

I can’t even bring myself to explain, it’s so shameful.

 

**************[03:28]************ Subaru:**

uh ok

where is it in his room

 

**************[03:33]************ Subaru:**

this place is a wreck

 

****************[03:34]************** Me:**

Bring as many clothes as you can find and I’ll wash it.

I can’t believe this.

 

****************[03:35]************** Subaru:**

i can’t believe ur being so nice

did u kill him finally

am I helping you destroy evidence

 

****************[03:35]************** Me:**

I did not kill him, but I should.


	3. Chapter 3

****[Shuu - to - Laito]** **

 

**[23:45] Me:**

my underwear is pink

 

****[23:46]** Clitty Litter:**

oh my

ask reiji about that

he does the laundry

 

****[23:55]** Me:**

i kno that

im telling someone bc im mad

 

******[23:55]**** Clitty Litter:**

you 2 really should hug it out ne~~~

 

******[23:56]**** Me: **

no

 

\---

 **[Shuu - to - Subaru]**  

 

****[23:45]** Me:**

my boxers = pink

 

****[23:47]** Toyota:**

yea sounds about right

Reiji asked me to get your laundry to wash them

…sorry

 

******[23:52]**** Me:**

shit

this is why I dont let him do my laundry

or clean my room

 

******[23:53]**** Toyota:**

uhhh bleach i guess?

 

******[23:54]**** Me: **

ughhhh

 

\---

 **[Shuu - to - Reiji]**  

 

******[23:48]**** Me:**

boxers pink why

 

******[23:50]**** Asswipe:**

Is that a new form of poem?

 

********[23:52]****** Me:**

no

 

********[23:53]****** Asswipe:**

Perhaps in the future you will learn to properly remove your clothing in the bath and to bring your laundry down when I call for it.

 

********[23:53]****** Me:**

how get pink out

 

********[23:54]****** Asswipe:**

I wasn’t aware you were so into freeform poetry.

Soak them in vinegar instead of bleach and run them in the wash again.

If the stain remains, then soak them in bleach and water solution.

 

********[23:59]****** Me:**

so

gotta do laundry anyway

 

********[23:59]****** Asswipe:**

Yes, you do.

Interesting how things turn out, aren’t they?

 

\---

 **[Ayato - to - Shuu]**  

 

**[00:01] TL;DR:**

send more emoticons to reiji

 

**[00:04] Me:**

whatd he do

 

**[00:04] TL;DR:**

exist

 

**[00:05] Me:**

apply cold water to site of burn


	4. Chapter 4

****[Ayato - to - Reiji]** **

 

**[00:10] Me:**

(•‾⌣‾•)و ̑̑♡

 

****[00:12]** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°):**

Not this again.

 

****[00:17]** Me: **

╮ (. ❛ ᴗ ❛.) ╭

(ˆ ڡ ˆ)

(◐ o ◑ )

Σ░(꒪◊꒪ ))))

 

****[00:18]** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°):**

Ayato, is there something that you need?

Use your words.

As I recall, your mother did teach you to speak semi-intelligently.

Admittedly, I wonder if you truly remember those lessons.

 

****[00:21]** Me:**

( ｰ̀εｰ́ )

╰(⊹◕◕ )╯

(ू˃̣̣̣̣̣̣o˂̣̣̣̣̣̣ ू)⁼³₌₃

 

****[00:21]** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°):**

And what should I take that to mean?

 

****[00:22]** Me:**

(ಠ⌣ಠ)

(◎益◎;)

ヽ༼ ಠ益ಠ ༽ﾉ

 

******[00:23]**** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°):**

I see that you are starting to grow irritated.

Perhaps now you understand how I feel.

Why don’t you just tell me what you want?

 

******[00:27]**** Me:**

٩(╬ఠ༬ఠ)و

ლ(ಠ益ಠ)ლ

(ノಠ益ಠ)ノ彡┻━┻

 

******[00:28]**** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°):**

…Are you making fun of me?

 

******[00:30]**** Me:**

( ◞･౪･)

(˚▽˚)☞

 

**\---**

**[Laito - to - Kanato]**

 

**[06:45] Actually 12:**

I CANT FIND TEDDY WHERE IS HE

DID YOU TAKE HIM

ARE YOU HIDING HIM FROM ME

 

****[06:47]** Me:**

eh~?

I havent seen him

did you leave him in the sitting room again?

 

****[06:47]** Actually 12: **

I LOOKED ALREADY DO YOU THINK IM STUPID

HE NEEDS ME SOON

 

****[06:48]** Me:**

calm down I can hear you from the balcony….

 

****[06:52]** Actually 12: **

SHUT UP HE WILL GET LONELY WITHOUT ME

YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND BC NO ONE CARES ABOUT YOU

IM HIS ONLY FRIEND

NO ONE IS YOUR FRIEND NO ONE LOVES YOU LIKE I LOVE TEDDY

 

****[06:52]** Me: **

harsh.

 

\---

**[Laito - to - Ayato]**

 

****[06:48]** Me:**

so it seems that kanato has misplaced teddy once again~

 

****[06:50]** Ninja-san:**

lmaooooooooooo

i hid him in reijis room

tucked him into the covers

shuu paid me

 

****[06:50]** Me:**

well now hes crying and throwing a tantrum

yelling all sorts of things

kind of annoying actuallllllyyy

 

****[06:51]** Ninja-san:**

fuckkk

I told him to stop the crying shit

 

****[06:52]** Me:**

well you moved him

if you want him to stop then you'll have to fetch teddy yourself~

 

****[06:53]** Ninja-san:**

no way im not going in there again

reijis room is terrifying

like a warzone with landmines

pay up

 

****[06:53]** Me: **

it was a stupid prank anyway

what is the point

****[06:53]** Ninja-san:**

money

duhhhhhhh.

 

****[06:53]** Me:**

fair enough

 

\---

**[Laito - to - Ayato]**

 

****[06:56]** Ninja-san:**

oi are those girls comin over tonight

????

 

******[06:56]**** Me:**

probably ?

ohhh~ are you jealous? (•̀⌄•́)

 

******[06:57]**** Ninja-san:**

do they have tits

（；¬＿¬)

 

******[06:57]**** Me:**

hm… not the kind you would like

but y dont you come play for a bit and ill watch

 

******[06:59]**** Ninja-san:**

ew fuck off

the hell is wrong w u

┌∩┐(ಠ_ಠ)┌∩┐

go play w yourself I kno u like to

 

\---

**[Kanato - to - Laito]**

 

******[06:56]**** Me:**

HEY

REIJI FOUND HIM

 

******[06:58]**** Shitfucker:**

oh really~

fascinating

 

\---

 **[Laito - to - Reiji]**  

 

******[06:57]**** Disgusting Glasses Man:**

Teddy was tucked in my bed.

You wouldn’t happen to know anything about that, would you?

 

******[06:57]**** Me:**

i might

(•‿•)

 

******[06:58]**** Disgusting Glasses Man:**

….care to explain?

 

******[07:00]**** Me:**

(◡ ‿ ◡✿)

(◕ ‿ ◕✿)


	5. Chapter 5

****[Subaru - to - Reiji]**  
**

 

******[20:31]**** Royal Pain:**

As hard as I work to take care of this family, do you think that I deserve to be treated in such a way?

With such disrespect?

I clean up after all of you!

I clean your clothes!

I tidy your rooms!

I organize our monthly family dinners as father requested!

 

********[20:35]****** Me:**

well u did turn shuus underwear pink

 

**********[20:35]******** Royal Pain:**

I was teaching him a lesson!

You can rest assured that he will do his laundry from now on.

 

**********[20:36]******** Me:**

shit yeah I was real worried about that

tossing around at night

losing sleep

 

**********[20:37]******** Royal Pain:**

I do not have time for sarcasm right now.

I am beyond angry with all of you.

Do not think I am unaware of what you all call me behind my back.

I’m sure my contact name is some reference to my continued requests that you assist me in keeping order within the house.

 

**********[20:37]******** Me:**

why is it always me anyway

 

**********[20:38]******** Royal Pain:**

Asks the man who smashed a hole in wall last week!

You owe me for continually, quite literally, patching up your messes!

 

**********[20:38]******** Me: **

holy fuck jesus mary and Jerusalem

are you still butthurt about the teddy thing bc ayato was talkin about it

 

**********[20:38]******** Royal Pain:**

I knew it was him!

 

**********[20:39]******** Me:**

fuck let it go

and stop bugging me about this shit

\---

**[Subaru - to - Shuu]**

 

**********[20:47]******** Me:**

so how is the underwear thing

 

************[20:55]********** Oniisan:**

_Sending image file…_

**************[20:57]************ Me:**

FUCKING HELL

I did not want to see that

what the fuck ???

regret at even texting you 

 

**************[21:13]************ Oniisan:**

faster than typing

 

****************[21:13]************** Me: **

wow

are you even real

 

****************[21:14]************** Oniisan:**

it wont come out of ducks

the pink

 

****************[21:14]************** Me:**

I could see that 

good luck with ur shitty pink ducks then I guess

 

****************[21:19]************** Oniisan**

_Sending image file…_

******************[21:20]**************** Me:**

FUCK STOP

 

******************[21:20]**************** Oniisan:**

these worse how fix

 

******************[21:21]**************** Me:**

those ARENT BOXERS FUCKING HELL.

DUDE I DON’T WANT TO SEE THE OUTLINE OF UR DICK FUCK

WHY DO YOU HAVE PICTURES LIKE THIS

 

********************[21:22]****************** Oniisan: **

idk i like it

 

********************[21:22]****************** Me:**

??? You like pics of ur DI K C?????

 

********************[21:27]****************** Oniisan:**

yes

 

**********************[21:29]******************** Me:**

??????

u rlly are related to laito shitty fucking hell

im done talking to you

bye im gone

before u send more underwear pics

 

**********************[21:29]******************** Oniisan:**

ur related 2 him 2

 

**********************[21:30]******************** Me:**

Shut up

be glad I wont send this to reiji

 

**********************[21:31]******************** Oniisan:**

he dsnt even kno where his dick is

im p sure

 

************************[21:31]********************** Me:**

what

 

************************[21:32]********************** Oniisan:**

does he kno where 2 put it

 

************************[21:32]********************** Me:**

SHITTY fUCKING HELL PLEASE STOP

 

************************[21:33]********************** Oniisan:**

ask

 

************************[21:35]********************** Me:**

ASK?

ASK HIM IF HE KNOWS WHERE TO PUT IT?

NO I WONT

FUCK YOU

 

************************[21:36]********************** Oniisan:**

k

 

\---

 **[Shuu - to - Ayato]**  

 

************************[21:37]********************** Me:**

ask reiji if he kno where 2 put it

 

**************************[21:37]************************ Shut up:**

put what

 

**************************[21:38]************************ Me:**

dick

 

**************************[21:39]************************ Shut up:**

OMG LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

 

**************************[21:41]************************ Me:**

wait ur doing emoticon thing

nvrmd

 

\---

**[Shuu - to - Laito]**

 

****************************[21:43]************************** Me:**

ask reiji

if he kno where 2 put it

 

****************************[21:45]************************** Clitty Litter:**

oh my~

I would be glad to~

 

****************************[21:45]************************** Me: **

tell me what he say


	6. Chapter 6

****[Reiji - to - Laito]** **

 

******************************[21:46]**************************** Laito:**

reijiiiiiiiiiiii

I need to ask you something big brother

 

******************************[21:48]**************************** Me:**

What is it?

 

******************************[21:48]**************************** Laito:**

do you know where to put it

 

******************************[21:50]**************************** Me:**

Put what?

 

******************************[21:50]**************************** Laito:**

oh~ you knowwww~~~~!!

8==D

 

******************************[21:55]**************************** Me:**

I don’t understand what you’re talking about.

Is that an emoticon?

I’m quite tired of looking at them, you know.

Ayato has sent me near a hundred.

I’m surprised he hasn’t run out of ideas.

 

******************************[21:55]**************************** Laito:**

nooo

where to put itttt

8========D

 

******************************[21:56]**************************** Me:**

What is “it”?

 

******************************[21:56]**************************** Laito:**

(◕ ‿ ◕✿)

8======D

 

******************************[22:01]**************************** Me:**

…is that a penis?

Are you asking me if I know how to engage in sexual intercourse?

I cannot believe this.

 

********************************[22:01]****************************** Laito:**

welllll do u ?

 

********************************[22:02]****************************** Me:**

OF COURSE I DO. I AM OLDER THAN YOU.

I HAVE SLEPT WITH A WOMAN BEFORE.

 

********************************[22:02]****************************** Laito:**

one woman?

poor lil reiji

 

********************************[22:03]****************************** Me:**

LEAVE ME ALONE.

 

\---

 **[Laito - to - Shuu]**  

 

********************************[22:05]****************************** Me:**

i asked himmm~

ohhh he was mad !

 

********************************[22:17]****************************** Pillow Biter:**

u asked the q

what happened

 

**********************************[22:19]******************************** Me:**

he said hes slept with a woman before

 

**********************************[22:21]******************************** Pillow Biter:**

only 1

 

************************************[22:21]********************************** Me:**

that’s what I saidddddd!

hmmm

idea though~~

I have some girls comin over and they can go and play with reiji for a bit

reiji can thank his dear brother laito~

(•̀ᴗ•́)و ̑̑

 

************************************[22:37]********************************** Me:**

u there ?

?

???

 

**************************************[22:50]************************************ Me:**

shuu

did u fall asleep

 

\---

 **[Subaru - to - Laito]**  

 

****************************************[23:31]************************************** Bimbo:**

subaruuuuu

I have a present for reiji ok~

its just perfect so listen

 

******************************************[23:31]**************************************** Me:**

I dont want any part of this

 

******************************************[23:33]**************************************** Bimbo:**

after I have fun with my girls this weekend ill send them to reijis room

hes sooooo stressed all the time :(

perfect right~?

 

******************************************[23:35]**************************************** Me:**

so... sloppy seconds

 

******************************************[23:35]**************************************** Bimbo:**

nooooo its a present

 

******************************************[23:37]**************************************** Me:**

ok u tell urself that

  

\---

 ****[Laito - to - Reiji** ** ****]** **

 

******************************************[16:07]**************************************** Disgusting Glasses Man:**

I know that these are your “girlfriends.”

Please come collect them from my room or I will take them down to the dungeon and flog them for having the audacity to presume to touch me so inappropriately.

 

********************************************[16:11]****************************************** Me:**

rude, rudeeee

I only wanted to be sure u knew where to put it

 

********************************************[16:11]****************************************** Disgusting Glasses Man:**

I KNOW WHERE TO PUT IT.

 

\---

 **[Kanato - to - Reiji]**  

 

**[16:09] Me:**

Im hungry

i want food

 

****[16:09]** Pudding delivery:**

Not now.

I am dealing with a situation.

Laito is attempting to antagonize me once again.

I am having none of it, of course.

 

****[16:11]** Me:**

cake please

I ate all the cookies already

 

****[16:15]** Pudding delivery:**

On second thought… come to my room.

I have something sweet waiting for you that is even better than cake.

 

\---

 **[Reiji - to - Laito]**  

 

****[16:16]** Me:**

There is no need for you to come collect your girls.

 

******[16:18]**** Laito:**

oh~ you changed your mind then~~?

 

******[16:18]**** Me:**

Of course.

After all, you were only thinking of me, were you not?

I’m sure I’ll enjoy these sweet little things greatly.


	7. Chapter 7

****[Ayato - to - Laito]** **

 

**[01:26] Me:**

damn heard bout those girls

too bad lmao

 

****[01:28]** BLUEWAFFLE:**

quiet im pissed he had no right

 

****[01:29]** Me:**

technically kanato killed them｢(ﾟﾍﾟ)

I guess u can still see them

in his weird

doll emporium

 

****[01:29]** BLUEWAFFLE:**

still no right

 

****[01:29]** Me:**

u didnt even like them (ு⁎ு)

u thought they were annoying

 

****[01:30]** BLUEWAFFLE:**

so what

I think ur annoying

 

****[01:31]** Me:**

stfu skinnydick

 

****[01:31]** BLUEWAFFLE**

penisbreath cuntsniffer

 

****[01:32]** Me:**

rumpleforeskin

 

****[01:32]** BLUEWAFFLE:**

rapunzel rapunzel let down your pubic hair

 

****[01:32]** Me:**

stfu I shave

 

****[01:32]** BLUEWAFFLE:**

no you don’t

firecrotch

 

****[01:33]** Me:**

you have the same color hair as me

what do we call kanato (｀_´)ゞ

****[01:33]** BLUEWAFFLE:**

I don’t want to think about that

cotton candy crotch?

now im inverted

 

****[01:33]** Me:**

did you have a boner before lmaoooo（；¬＿¬)

 

****[01:33]** BLUEWAFFLE:**

hateboner for reiji

so he can stick it up his ass along with the rest of his ego

 

****[01:34]** Me:**

dude tmi（；¬＿¬)

 

****[01:35]** BLUEWAFFLE:**

he disgusts me

 

\---

 **[Laito - to - ???]**  

 

**[02:47] ???:**

I found this # in the girl’s bathroom who this?

 

****[02:47]** Me:**

oooooo

I have pics for u then

_Sending image file…_

_Sending image file…_

_Sending image file…_

****[02:49]**???:**

haha WOW I know u !!

What kind of guy sends pics to a random #...

(๑꒪▿꒪)*

 

****[02:49]** Me:**

I do~?

u like don’t u

don’t lie babe~~

 

****[02:50]**???:**

its p small actually tbh…

(p^-^)p

 

****[02:51]** Me:**

???

_Sending image file…_

what do u think now~

 

****[02:53]**???:**

haha its smaller close up lol !!

（๑✧∀✧๑）

 

****[02:54]** Me:**

who is this?

 

****[02:54]**???:**

just a random classmate

but u should b more discreet w those pics bb

°(❛ᴗ❛)°

 

****[02:55]** Me:**

wellllll usually girls are impressed?

hn~ are you a lesbian?

I could show you a few things u know~~

 

****[02:56]**???:**

lol im a guy

⁽(◍˃̵͈̑ᴗ˂̵͈̑)⁽

 

****[02:57]** Me:**

y were u in the girls bathroom…

 

****[02:58]**???:**

same thing u do in the girls bathroom ofc ୧☉□☉୨

೭(❛〜❛✿)೨

 

****[02:48]** Me:**

delete those pics

 

****[02:49]**???:**

nah

y??

ur so eager 2 give em

I didnt even ask lolol

(❁´▽`❁)*

  

****[02:50]**???:**

c u at school 2morro bb

(⌒▽⌒)☞

 

****[02:51]** Me:**

who are u

 

****[02:52]**???:**

(☆▽☆)


	8. Chapter 8

****[Kou - to - Ruki]** **

 

**[03:11] Me:**

hey wanna see something funny??

Ｏ(≧∇≦)Ｏ

 

****[03:11]** Drill Captain:**

You’re going to show me anyway.

So show me.

 

****[03:12]** Me:**

_Sending image file…_

_Sending image file…_

_Sending image file…_

_Sending image file…_

****[03:13]** Drill Captain:**

Is that Sakamaki Laito?

 

****[03:13]** Me:**

YEAAAAA LMAO

he sent them I didnt even ask !!!! ( ◞･౪･)

 

****[03:13]** Drill Captain:**

I didn’t ask you to send them either.

 

****[03:14]** Me:**

but lmao rukkkiiiiiii

≧(´▽｀)≦

 

****[03:14]** Drill Captain:**

I think you’re a bit too happy about being in possession of nude pictures of our classmate.

A male classmate, at that.

 

****[03:14]** Me:**

awww cmon its funny

 

****[03:14]** Drill Captain:**

It’s vile.

 

\---

**[Kou - to - Yuuma]**

 

****[03:13]** Me:**

_Sending image file…_

_Sending image file…_

_Sending image file…_

_Sending image file…_

 

****[03:17]** Beanstalk:**

holy shit what the fuck

y r u sending this to me

HAHAHA is that laito wtf

 

****[03:18]** Me:**

he sent them to me thinking I was a girl

 

****[03:18]** Beanstalk:**

holy shit what an idiot omg

but gross fuck now I have this shit on my phone

 

****[03:19]** Me:**

I know I haven’t thought what 2 do with em

 

****[03:21]** Beanstalk:**

I have an idea

I have one of the other brothers numbers

 

****[03:21]** Me:**

whered u get that?

/(@ﾟﾍﾟ@)

 

****[03:22]** Beanstalk:**

don’t ask

 

\---

**[Yuuma - to - Subaru]**

 

****[03:21]** Me:**

_Sending image file…_

_Sending image file…_

_Sending image file…_

_Sending image file…_

 

****[03:25]** Emo:**

WHAT THE FUCK

wWHY ARE U SENDINGME THIs.

MY EYEs.

MY FUCKING EYES

WHA THE FucKIN HELL sHITDAMN.

 

****[03:26]** Me: **

lmfaooooo

 

******[03:26]**** Emo:**

FUCK YOU

WhyS EVERYONE SENDING ME THEIR NUDES

 

******[03:27]**** Me:**

gimme ur bros numbers

 

******[03:27]**** Emo:**

FUCK NO GO AWAY

 

******[03:27]**** Me:**

are all yalls dicks so little

 

******[03:28]**** Emo:**

SHUT UP

WHAT THE FUCK HOLY SHIT

GOOD FUCKING BYE


	9. Chapter 9

****[Yuuma - to - Kou]** **

 

**[11:31] Me:**

wherere my tomatoes

 

****[11:35]** Twofaced:**

whaaaaat I dunno

 

******[11:36]**** Me:**

you ate them didn’t u

 

******[11:36]**** Twofaced:**

mmmmmmaybe

weeeh I was hungry feel bad for me

( ≧Д≦)

 

******[11:37]**** Me:**

no im pissed they were mine

I grew em

raised em

watered em

picked em

now gonna eat em

 

******[11:37]**** Two faced:**

then shit em

(^∇^)

 

******[11:38]**** Me:**

stfu I worked hard

im gonna get u for this

maybe not today

or tomorrow

or maybe today

 

******[11:38]**** Two faced:**

⁽ˇ́˙̫ˇ̀˵⁾

kk yuuuuuuma

just don’t hurt urself thinkin 2 hard

 

\---

 **[Kou - to - Yuuma]**  

 

**[13:57] Me:**

aight ur playin dirty

literally

where is she

 

****[13:57]** Beanstalk:**

idk what ur talkin bout

 

****[13:57]** Me:**

WHERES MIKU

MY SAKURA MIKU

LIMITED EDITION BODY PILLOW WHERE IS IT

 

****[13:58]** Beanstalk:**

oh thaaaat miku

in my room

on my bed

between my legs

 

****[13:58]** Me:**

GROSS

WHAT R U DOIN

STOP PUT IT DOWN

YOULL DISTURB THE SEAMS WITH YOUR FREAKISH BODY

YOULL RIP HER IN HALF

 

****[13:58]** Beanstalk:**

oh miku

 

****[13:59]** Me:**

FUCK OFF

 

****[13:59]** Beanstalk:**

wherere ur emoticons eyy

getting serious huh

good luck w these stains

 

****[13:59]** Me:**

youre dead

 

****[14:01]** Beanstalk:**

good luck shrimp dick

_Sending image file…_

 

******[14:02]**** Me:**

MIKU

YOU GOT IT ON HER FACE

 

******[14:02]**** Beanstalk:**

thats the point yeah

 

******[14:02]**** Me:**

IM TELLING

 

******[14:03]**** Beanstalk:**

oh boy thats what its come to huh

lmfaooooo

 

\---

 **[Ruki - to - Kou]**  

 

**[14:03] Kou:**

YUuMA STOLE MY BODy PILLOw AND Put HIS JIZZ ALL OVER IT

I CANT BELIEVE THIS OH MY GOD SO GROSS RUKI

IM CRYING WHAT THE FUCK

 

****[14:03]** Me:**

Calm down.

  1. Yuuma stole your body pillow and used it for intimate activities?



 

****[14:03]** Kou:**

yeah

 

****[14:03]** Me:**

Why did he do this?

 

****[14:04]** Kou:**

bc I ate his tomatoes

 

****[14:04]** Me:**

And you knew that this would make him very angry, didn’t you?

 

****[14:04]** Kou:**

yeah

 

****[14:05]** Me:**

And yet you did it anyway.

Can you be surprised at his reaction, then?

 

****[14:05]** Kou:**

no

 

****[14:05]** Me:**

So you ate all of Yuuma’s tomatoes.

He stole your body pillow and ruined it.

Don’t you think that the punishment fits the crime?

He took away something that you loved when you took away something that he loved.

 

****[14:06]** Kou:**

(๑◕n◕๑)

fine

 

****[14:06]** Me:**

The two of you will apologize later and be done with it.

Understand?

 

****[14:07]** Kou:**

yeah


	10. Chapter 10

****[Reiji - to - Subaru]** **

 

**[21:03] Me:**

Again I must ask, what in the world is all of that noise up there?

 

****[21:03]** Subaru:**

uh

kanato

hes

hes just playing

 

****[21:04]** Me:**

I see.

Why is it so loud?

It sounds like someone is banging on the ceiling from down here.

 

****[21:04]** Subaru:**

im not sure

ill check

hes probably just pretending to play drums or something

 

****[21:05]** Me:**

Thank you.

I’m sure it’s something of the like.

 

\---

 **[Subaru - to - Kanato]**  

 

****[21:08]** Me:**

kanato what the fuck are you doing

 

******[21:08]**** Teddy:**

HMMM Waaaaaaaaaa

quiet u slut I cnat think with u shoutin

 

******[21:08]**** Me:**

but im texting you

 

******[21:10]**** Teddy:**

playing worm tiME. ! ~~ 

thatS Men. me/> ~~~~~~~

shuup don make DUN OF MEEEEE

 

******[21:10]**** Me:**

have you been drinking?

 

******[21:11]**** Teddy:**

shuddup slUTT

nee pat my head willyu

 

******[21:12]**** Me:**

I cant im not in ur room

u locked the door

whered u get the alcohol???

fucking shit

 

********[21:12]****** Teddy:**

don rmember

_Sending image file…_

 

********[21:12]****** Me:**

holy fuck thats a lot of booze

kanato youre gonna be sick

 

********[21:14]****** Teddy:**

shaddup u slit dirty dlut

its HOT tuRHN THE aRI ON!!!!!!1

 

**********[21:14]******** Me:**

can u open the door plz???

uhh?

shit

 

**********[21:17]******** Teddy:**

NoooOOOooOOooo

 

**********[21:17]******** Me:**

what if I get reiji

 

************[21:18]********** Teddy:**

no fuck hIiiIIIiiiiiiim !!!

in t asshoe L

no lube

fisting G! !!

_Sending image file…_

like this

 

************[21:20]********** Me:**

I DIDN’T NEEd TO SEE THAT

FUCKIN HELL

wHY WOULD U TAKE A PIC LIKE THAT

WHY ARE YOU naKEDD.

FUCK. WHY.

MY GODDAMN EYES WHY ME.

 

************[21:22]********** Teddy:**

put handFIST in butt

_Sending image file…_

 

**************[21:22]************ Me:**

STOP PHONE FLASHING ME YOUR ASS

 

**************[21:23]************ Teddy:**

bu I lke my ass

s good

 

**************[21:23]************ Me:**

ok I mean great self esteem but

I don’t want to see thnx

 

**************[21:27]************ Teddy:**

_Sending image file…_

****************[21:27]************** Me:**

NOT FRONT EITHER FUCK JESUS

WHY EM

ME

 

****************[21:28]************** Teddy:**

stop lookIN

close eys

 

****************[21:29]************** Me:**

I HAVE TO BE SURE UR OKAY

UR fucKING DruNK AS HELL

BUT NOW I HAVE ALL THESE NUDES ON MY PHONE

SHUU AND LAITO AND NOW YOU

WHY FUCKIN ME

SHITTY HELL

 

****************[21:29]************** Teddy:**

_Sending image file…_

****************[21:30]************** Me:**

GET YOUR HAND OFF THAT AND STOP W THE PICS

 

****************[21:31]************** Teddy:**

don tell UR niISAN wot 2 do1!!1!!!

lait o dos IT

so me 22222222222

 

******************[21:32]**************** Me:**

pls never do anything w/ the logic

“laito does it so I will too”

thats the worst idea u could ever have

shitty hell fuck

 

******************[21:32]**************** Teddy:**

wha he gOT I Don??

y they pick him HUH

br idse I mean

my pee pee bitger

 

******************[21:33]**************** Me:**

???

RELATIVE TO BODY SIZE???

BUT IDK

MAYBE BC

U JUST

used THE WORD

PEE PEE

TO REFER TO UR DICK

???????!!!???!?!?!

 

******************[21:35]**************** Teddy:**

it Biger

 

******************[21:35]**************** Me: **

ok kanato

pls sleep now

holy fuck.


	11. Chapter 11

****[Ayato - to - Laito]** **

 

**[15:11] BLUEWAFFLE:**

reijis pissed again siiiiighs

 

****[15:13]** Me:**

I KNOW LMAO

 

******[15:13]**** BLUEWAFFLE:**

ummmm

his phones broken

shuu did it he said

******[15:13]**** Me:**

I KNOW

LOLOL

BUT HE DIDNT LMFAO

（๑✧∀✧๑）

 

******[15:14]**** BLUEWAFFLE:**

wha?

ummm ?

 

******[15:14]**** Me:**

I DID IT

I PUT IT IN THE TOILET AND TOOK IT Out

THEN PRACTICED DRUMS W THE SCREEN

 

******[15:15]**** BLUEWAFFLE:**

oh my

hes quite mad anyhow

not surprising he blames shuu

 

******[15:16]**** Me:**

I know lmfaaooooo

fuckin idiot

⁽⁽٩(๑˃̶͈̀ u˂̶͈́)۶⁾⁾

ten thousand years of butthurt asswipin

I gotta tell Subaru hold on

 

\---

 **[Ayato - to - Subaru]**  

 

**[15:10] Me:**

hey SUBARU GUESS WHAT I did

 

**[15:15] Me:**

ok ur not there but ill tell ya anyway

I took reijis phone and broke it

he thinks its shuus fault lmaoooooo

 

****[15:18]** Hulk:**

What?

 

******[15:18]**** Me:**

yea I put it in the toilet and all this shit

man whadda dumbass

٩(๑❛ᴗ❛๑)۶

 

******[15:19]**** Hulk:**

Oh yes, what a dumbass…

 

******[15:19]**** Me:**

LMFAOOOOO

k wanted 2 letya in on the joke

6((((≧▽≦))))9

 

******[15:20]**** Hulk:**

Why, thank you.

 

\---

 **[Laito - to - Subaru]**  

 

********[15:40]****** Home Depot’s GF:**

Laito, I do wonder why in the world there are so many naked pictures of you on this phone.

And of Kanato.

And… underwear shots of that good-for-nothing.

 

**********[15:41]******** Me:**

uhhhhhh Subaru ?

u feeling ok ?

 

**********[15:41]******** Home Depot’s GF:**

He’s quite all right.

 

**********[15:42]******** Me:**

??

who is this

 

**********[15:43]******** Home Depot’s GF:**

Tell me, are all of you in the habit of taking such disgraceful photographs?

And just why would you send them to Subaru, I wonder.

I could understand that useless, lazy, good-for-nothing, but wouldn’t you rather send these to a woman?

 

**********[15:47]******** Me:**

REIJI IS THAT YOU

 

************[15:47]********** Home Depot’s GF:**

The monkey does indeed have a brain.

I did need a phone while my own was being repaired, you know.

 

************[15:48]********** Me:**

I DIDN’T SEND THEM TO HIM

IDK WHY HE HAS THEM

I ACCIDENTALLY SENT THEM TO KOU

I THOUGHT HE WAS A WOMAN

did ayato text you

 

************[15:49]********** Home Depot’s GF:**

Mukami Kou? Tut, tut.

I’m sending these to my own number for, shall we say, insurance.

 

************[15:49]********** Me:**

DID AYATO TEXT YOU

 

************[15:50]********** Home Depot’s GF:**

And just what is Kanato attempting to do with his fist? Goodness.

 

\---

 **[Laito - to - Ayato]**  

 

**[15:48] Me:**

DID YOU TEXT SUBARU’S PHONE

 

****[15:48]** Ninja-san:**

duh y lol

 

****[15:49]** Me:**

REIJI HAS SUBARUS PHONE

 

****[15:49]** Ninja-san:**

wait what

SHIT fUCK DAMNIT 


	12. Chapter 12

****[Ayato - to - Kanato]** **

 

**[05:11] Me:**

we gotta do something about reiji

ive never seen him so happy in my entire life

 

****[05:13]** Overlyattached GF:**

don’t look at me you guys are the stupid heads

 

****[05:14]** Me:**

HE HAS UR NUDeS

(o∀o╬)

 

******[05:14]**** Overlyattached GF:**

what nudes

 

******[05:15]**** Me:**

the nudes u sent to Subaru

when u were drunk

REMEMBER??

 

******[05:15]**** Overlyattached GF:**

no

 

******[05:16]**** Me:**

well he HAS EM

(╬ಠ益ಠ)

 

******[05:16]**** Overlyattached GF:**

what nudes tho

 

******[05:17]**** Me: **

ugh

(；￣Д￣）

 

\---

 **[Ayato - to - Shuu]**  

 

******[05:12]**** Me:**

HELP US FUCK W REIJI

( ≧Д≦)

 

******[05:15]**** Tl;dr:**

ok

 

******[05:16]**** Me:**

wow that was easy

ꉂ `o´ )

 

******[05:17]**** Tl;dr:**

I hate him

 

******[05:17]**** Me:**

he has ur nudes 2

(>_<)

 

******[05:19]**** Tl;dr:**

does he like my dick

 

********[05:19]****** Me:**

???

I DK DIDNT ASK

2 BUSY AVOIDING DEATH

(¬д¬。)

 

********[05:19]****** Tl;dr:**

prolly does

 

********[05:20]****** Me:**

sure ok

so youll help

 

**********[05:20]******** Tl;dr:**

yeah

tonight

 

**********[05:21]******** Me:**

wow ur not actually being lazy

(ಠ⌣ಠ)

 

**********[05:22]******** Tl;dr:**

_Sending image file…_

 

**********[05:23]******** Me:**

haha very funny put ur finger down asshole (; ･`д･´)

 

\---

**[Shuu - to - Kanato]**

 

**[00:29] Me:**

give me the booze under ur bed

I kno its there

 

****[00:32]** Crybaby:**

(Ò 皿 Ó ╬)

 

******[00:32]**** Me:**

all of it

 

******[00:34]**** Crybaby:**

(ﾉಥ益ಥ）ﾉ ┻━┻

 

 

\---

 **[Shuu - to - Subaru]**  

 

**[02:49] Me:**

_Sending image file…_

_Sending image file…_

_Sending image file…_

 

****[02:52]** Toyota: **

w

WHAT THEFU CK

ISTH AT RE IJI ?!???? ? ?

 

****[02:54]** Me:**

_Sending image file…_

 

******[02:54]**** Toyota:**

STOPTOPSTOP STOP

WHYS HE NAKED WHYRE U DOIN A PEACE SIGN

WHYS HE FUCKING SMIKLIN?????

 

******[02:55]**** Me:**

booze

lookit lil’ reiji

kinda little

its thick tho

 

******[02:59]**** Me:**

7.2/10

_Sending image file…_

********[02:59]****** Toyota: **

shitty what the shitfuck dam nhell

what did I do to DESRVE THIS?? ? ??

 

********[03:00]****** Me:**

I thought u collect em all

besides ayato was scared needed assurance

 

**********[03:00]******** Toyota:**

ThEN SEND EM TO HIM FUckin HEll

 

**********[03:01]******** Me:**

u r keeper of the nudes

 

**********[03:02]******** Toyota:**

I HATE YOU

 

**********[03:04]******** Me: **

u love me

_Sending image file…_

**********[03:04]******** Toyota:**

oh my holy god

 

**********[03:05]******** Me:**

look hes hard


	13. Chapter 13

****[Laito - to - Kou]** **

 

**[23:12] Me:**

YOU

 

****[23:13]** NOT A WOMAN:**

ME (^∇^)

 

****[23:13]** Me:**

KOU

 

****[23:14]** NOT A WOMAN:**

very gooooood!

when did you figure it out?

or rather… how?

 

****[23:14]** Me:**

subaru told me yuuma sent him the pics

I got his number and ratted you out

piece of shit

 

******[23:15]**** NOT A WOMAN:**

goooodness nicely done (*⌒▽⌒*)θ～♪

but you should be nicer

I may give these out to the whole school…

( •⌄• ू )

spread them to some magazines

haha your life would suck ass!! (*＾v＾*)

 

******[23:15]**** Me:**

...

 

******[23:16]**** NOT A WOMAN:**

hmmmm but subaru was the bro yuuma was talking about

interesting ( ’ᴗ’ )

 

********[23:16]****** Me: **

why tf do you care

 

********[23:17]****** NOT A WOMAN:**

im interested in your youngest brother

that’s allllllllll

(˘⌣˘)

 

********[23:17]****** Me:**

are you gay

subaru likes women

sorry tough luck~

 

********[23:18]****** NOT A WOMAN:**

im not gay you STI-ridden whore

i fucking hate him

 

**********[23:18]******** Me:**

ヾ( ･`⌓´･)ﾉﾞ

well sooooorrrryyy

ur the one who took my nudes so happily

remember~?

 

************[23:19]********** NOT A WOMAN:**

ur the one who sent them so happily

remember~?

(｡o‿o｡)

 

\---

 **[Kanato - to - Reiji]**  

 

**[01:48] Me:**

I DONT WANT TO WORK W HIM IN A GROUP

ILL TAKE AN F

 

****[01:49]** Pudding delivery:**

You most certainly will not.

Someone in this family has already failed once and disappointed Father.

I will not allow it to happen again.

You will work with Azusa whether or not you like it.

 

****[01:50]** Me:**

I HATE U

DIE DIE DIE DIEDIEIDIEIDIEIDIEIdeeie

 

******[01:51]**** Pudding delivery:**

Work with him on the assignment or you will be punished.

I do not have to continue making cakes if you insist on being this way.

 

\---

 **[Kanato - to - Azusa]**  

 

******[01:50]**** Me:**

I DON WANT TO WORK WITH OYU

WORK WITH SOMEONE ELSe

 

******[01:51]**** EAT SHIT AND DIE:**

But the teacher

put us

in the same group

 

******[01:51]**** Me:**

I DON GIvE a FUCk

 

******[01:52]**** EAT SHIT AND DIE:**

oh

sorry

kanato

 

******[01:53]**** Me:**

YoU SMELL BAD TOO

 

******[01:56]**** EAT SHIT AND DIE:**

oh

…

sorry

 

\---

 **[Azusa - to - Ruki]**  

 

**[2:00] Me:**

kanato is

mad

 

****[2:01]** Sir Friend:**

Kou did say earlier that the two of you were working together.

A group project, or something like that?

 

****[2:01]** Me:**

yes

...

hes

mean

 

****[2:02]** Sir Friend:**

Finish the work as quickly as possible.

If he becomes a problem, I can speak with one of his elder brothers.

Loathe as I am to do so.

 

******[2:02]**** Me:**

mhm

._.

 

\---

 **[Reiji - to - Ruki]**  

 

**[2:36] ???:**

Please speak with your younger brother about cooperation.

I don’t have time to deal with pettiness.

 

****[2:37]** Me:**

Which brother? I have five, if you didn't know.

Who is this?

 

******[2:37]****???:**

Ruki.

I'm referring to Kanato and his working with Azusa.

 

******[2:38]**** Me:**

I see.

I’ve spoken to him already.

However, there is only so much to be done with him.

 

********[2:38]****** Mukami R:**

Do more, or Azusa will be forced to behave rashly.

 

********[2:40]****** Me:**

And what does that entail, exactly?

I can only wonder, since you are essentially tattling on Kanato to me.

Surely this cannot be the extent of your ideas in getting your way.

**********[2:40]******** Mukami R:**

Kanato carries a stuffed animal, correct?

 

**********[2:40]******** Me:**

I would advise against anything you may be thinking of trying.

You will inevitably do more harm than good.

 

**********[2:42]******** Mukami R:**

Very well.

As long as you maintain your end of the deal.

 

**********[2:43]******** Me:**

Of course.

 

**********[2:43]******** Mukami R:**

Surprisingly, one of you in the house isn’t a complete imbecile.

 

**********[2:44]******** Me:**

And one of you isn’t completely lacking in manners.

 

\---

\---

\---

 **[Ayato - to - Laito]**  

 

**[20:18] Me:**

reiji has bf

 

****[20:20]** Clitty Litter:**

eh~?

 

******[20:21]**** Me:**

reiji

has

bf

 

******[20:22]**** Clitty Litter:**

and how do you know that?

 

********[20:22]****** Me:**

borrowed phone

for hw

 

********[20:22]****** Clitty Litter:**

you do hw?

 

********[20:23]****** Me:**

shut up

saw messages

 

********[20:23]****** Clitty Litter:**

ehhh??

no wonder he’s only slept with 1 woman

 

**********[20:23]******** Me:**

omg

 

**********[20:24]******** Clitty Litter:**

did he know exactly where to put it?

which hole?

that must be it, then...

(☆▽☆)

 

************[20:24]********** Me:**

he put it in her butt

he cant see

 

************[20:24]********** Clitty Litter:**

ah~ reiji I cant believe u’d do that…

 

************[20:25]********** Me:**

u put it n the butt 2

then again

it u

 

**************[20:25]************ Clitty Litter:**

What does that mean.

 

**************[20:25]************ Me:**

u nasty

 

\---

 **[Shuu - to - Ruki]**  

 

**[23:03] Me:**

pls treat my bro good

 

**[23:04] Reiji’s Boyfriend:**

What?

 

**[23:04] Me:**

he likes lil rough

his dick lil but thick

 

**[23:05] Reiji’s Boyfriend:**

…Who is this?

The lot of you really are repulsive.

 

****[23:05]** Me:**

u like him tho

 

****[23:05]** Reiji’s Boyfriend:**

I’ll ask him whose number this is.

That will solve this issue.

 

****[23:07]** Me:**

shit


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Current update since that might be helpful for some people.
> 
> Subaru is keeper of the nudes, Reiji has a “boyfriend,” Kanato is in a group project with Azusa, Kou and Laito still at war since their first random text encounter.

**[Ruki - to - Reiji]**

 

**[23:09] Me:**

Whose number is this. (+xXXX-XXX-XXXX)

I received a number of repulsive messages from him.

 

****[23:09]** Sakamaki R:**

Pardon, I don’t know what you’re talking about.

Send a copy of the messages.

Please.

 

****[23:10]** Me:**

_Sending image file…_

_Sending image file…_

 

****[23:11]** Sakamaki R: **

Disgusting.

That would be my elder brother.

This does not surprise me in the least, honestly.

 

****[23:11]** Me: **

Shuu, is it?

Perhaps it would be best if we exchanged numbers of our families now.

I’m getting tired of this guessing game.

 

****[23:12]** Sakamaki R: **

That we can agree on.

If any more of these immature annoyances arise, you’ll know who is responsible.

As will I.

I’ll distribute these to my brothers.

 

******[23:12]**** Me:**

And I’ll do the same.

 

\---

 **[Shuu - to - Reiji]**  

 

******[23:20]**** Me:**

Do not every embarrass our family in such a manner again.

 

********[23:29]****** Lazyass:**

huh

 

**********[23:29]******** Me:**

You know very well what I’m talking about.

 

**********[23:34]******** Lazyass:**

nah

 

************[23:34]********** Me:**

Need I remind you of the laundry incident?

I am not above punishing you again.

 

************[23:35]********** Lazyass:**

go ahead

got pics of ur dick

 

**************[23:35]************ Me:**

Pardon?

 

**************[23:35]************ Lazyass:**

got pics

of ur dick

 

**************[23:36]************ Me:**

… And just how did you come by these pictures?

 

**************[23:37]************ Lazyass:**

u drunk

cryin

got naked

hoo boy

 

****************[23:37]************** Me:**

Where are these pictures.

 

******************[23:38]**************** Lazyass:**

idk

 

******************[23:38]**************** Me:**

WHERE ARE THESE PICTURES.

 

********************[23:38]****************** Lazyass:**

lol

 

\---

 **[Azusa - to - Kanato]**  

 

********************[04:12]****************** Meanie:**

DID DU FINISH Yet

 

**********************[04:13]******************** Me:**

no

 

**********************[04:13]******************** Meanie:**

FuCK U H8 YOU

EVRY DAY U DONT WORK IS MORE DAYS WE HAVe 2 B 2GETHEr

 

**********************[04:14]******************** Me:**

its

group project

 

**********************[04:14]******************** Meanie:**

idGaFFFFFFF

凸(⊙.⊙ )

 

\---

 **[Kanato - to - Subaru]**  

 

**********************[04:37]******************** Me:**

can I borrow ur knife

 

************************[04:42]********************** Albino:**

y??

 

**************************[04:45]************************ Me:**

to kill azusa

 

**************************[04:45]************************ Albino:**

fuck no

we told u to play nice

use ur Big Boy Words

 

**************************[04:46]************************ Me:**

Fuck You

 

\---

**[Yuuma - to - Kou]**

 

**[13:39] Me:**

so im sposed to say sorry

for cumming on miku

 

****[13:39]** Twofaced:**

sorry for eating ur tomatoes

(｡•́-•̀｡)

they were v delicious

 

****[13:41]** Me: **

well thats good

at least u liked them

 

******[13:41]**** Twofaced:**

(´°ω°`)

 

******[13:42]**** Me:**

cleaned the pillow 4 u

 

******[13:42]**** Twofaced:**

( ´•̥̥̥ω•̥̥̥` )

thnx

u still mad at me

 

******[13:43]**** Me:**

nah ill grow more later

wbu

 

******[13:44]**** Twofaced:**

its k

lukas cuter anyway

im waiting on a new release for her so its ok!!

(´▽`)*ﾟ*

 

******[13:44]**** Me:**

dude tbh idk what ur even talkin about

 

******[13:44]**** Twofaced:**

yea I kno

dude ur my bro u kno that

 

******[13:45]**** Me: **

yeah

 

********[13:45]****** Twofaced:**

u love me no matter what

 

********[13:45]****** Me:**

yeah

 

********[13:46]****** Twofaced:**

(´;o;`)

ok bro

 

\---

**[Azusa - to - Kou]**

 

**[17:24] Me:**

:(

 

****[17:29]** Idol Friend:**

sameeeeee

 

******[17:29]**** Me: **

whats wrong

 

******[17:31]**** Idol Friend:**

idk maybe work or school

just a lot of stuff siiiiiigh

(´°ω°`)

 

********[17:31]****** Me:**

sorry

Kanatos mean

 

********[17:31]****** Idol Friend:**

again?

thought we fixed that

look ill try to do something

don’t worry ok?

 

********[17:33]****** Me:**

but

whatre you gonna

do

 

**********[17:33]******** Idol Friend:**

idk talk to one of them

i have some leverage

itll work

 

\---

 **[Kou - to - Laito]**  

 

**********[17:35]******** Me:**

Oi

 

************[17:35]********** Ass with a Hat:**

what

 

************[17:35]********** Me:**

Tell your brother to lay off Azusa

 

************[17:36]********** Ass with a Hat:**

pfft like thats gonna work

 

************[17:36]********** Me:**

I mean it

I’m in a bad mood

Don’t forget what I have on my phone

 

************[17:37]********** Ass with a Hat:**

y tf do u still have those

 

************[17:39]********** Me: **

Because you sent them

 

************[17:39]********** Ass with a Hat:**

they werent meant for u

 

************[17:40]********** Me:**

What kind of attention-whoring class-A moron sends nudes to a random number

What if this phone belonged to a fucking kid

 

************[17:41]********** Ass with a Hat:**

it doesnt it belongs to an egotistical asshole idol

 

************[17:41]********** Me:**

Talk to your brother or I will come rip off your micropenis

 

**************[17:42]************ Ass with a Hat:**

fine ill talk to him jesus christ


	15. Chapter 15

****[Yuuma - to - Ruki]** **

 

**[19:03] Prolly Mad:**

Did you finish cleaning up the dishes from dinner yet.

It was your turn tonight to do them.

 

****[19:07]** Me:**

yeah yeah im doin em

 

******[19:07]**** Prolly Mad: **

Did you read my text at school today about the Sakamakis.

I sent you all of their numbers.

 

******[19:09]**** Me:**

yeah i got it danggggg

 

******[19:09]**** Prolly Mad:**

Well. You didn’t text me back.

 

******[19:10]**** Me:**

fuck ur like some thirsty broad

 

******[19:10]**** Prolly Mad:**

I just wanted to know that you read the message.

 

********[19:11]****** Me:**

i got it aight

go back to texting ur boyfriend

 

********[19:11]****** Prolly Mad:**

He is not my boyfriend.

I have only contacted him twice.

 

**********[19:12]******** Me:**

2 more than me

l o l

 

**********[19:12]******** Prolly Mad:**

They were matters of business.

 

**********[19:13]******** Me:**

what business

ur dicks ??

 

**********[19:13]******** Prolly Mad:**

No. About our families’ behavior.

 

**********[19:14]******** Me:**

yeah we see u makin eyes in the hallway

pupil penetration

u fucked him like 20x in ur mind already havent u

 

**********[19:14]******** Prolly Mad:**

This conversation is over.

 

**********[19:15]******** Me:**

boyfran time

 

************[19:15]********** Prolly Mad:**

No.

Now finish the dishes.

 

\---

 **[Reiji - to - Ruki]**  

 

************[19:17]********** Mukami R:**

Do you have a moment?

 

************[19:17]********** Me:**

The point of text is to send your message right away, not dilly-dally about sending it.

Just type it.

 

************[19:18]********** Mukami R: **

My brothers aren’t dropping this “boyfriend” joke.

Yuuma, at least.

 

************[19:18]********** Me: **

The tall one, you mean?

 

************[19:18]********** Mukami R:**

Yes.

 

************[19:19]********** Me:**

Of course he isn’t.

It did originate with Shuu.

I’m not surprised at all.

 

************[19:21]********** Mukami R:**

Care to explain a bit more?

 

**************[19:21]************ Me:**

Immature jokes. That’s all.

Give it time and I’m sure they’ll find something else to occupy their thoughts.

 

\---

 **[Ayato - to - Reiji]**  

 

**[00:04] Me:**

ゞ(ↂ ω ↂ)ゞ

 

****[00:05]** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°):**

I HAVE NOT FORGOTTEN WHAT YOU DID TO MY PHONE.

 

******[00:05]**** Me:**

ヾ(｡o﹏o)ﾉﾞ

(｡+･`ω･´)

[○･｀Д´･○]

 

******[00:06]**** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°):**

STOP THIS AT ONCE.

 

******[00:07]**** Me:**

( ͡ᵔ ▾ ͡ᵔ )७

 

******[00:07]**** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°):**

I WILL END YOU.

WHERE ARE THE PICTURES.

 

********[00:09]****** Me:**

ﾍ(=￣∇￣)ﾉ

 

********[00:10]****** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°):**

THE PICTURES SHUU TOOK OF ME WHILE I WAS DRUNK.

 

**********[00:11]******** Me:**

(๑•̌.•̑๑)ˀ̣ˀ̣

∩|*`・ρ・´|∩

 

**********[00:11]******** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°):**

I KNOW THAT YOU KNOW WHERE THEY ARE.

WHERE ARE THEY.

WHO HAS THEM.

 

**********[00:12]******** Me:**

think rage think

(๑˃̵ᴗ˂̵)و

(*ヮ*)

 

**********[00:12]******** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°):**

THAT IS NOT MY NAME.

 

**********[00:14]******** Me:**

(๑•̀ㅂ•́)و

(⁍̴̀◊⁍̴́ฅ)

 

**********[00:14]******** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°):**

WAIT.

 

**********[00:14]******** Me:**

٩(•̤̀ᵕ•̤́๑)ᵒᵏᵎᵎᵎᵎ

 

\---

 **[Reiji - to - Yuuma]**  

 

**********[00:17]******** Me:**

DO YOU HAVE MY NUDES.

 

************[00:18]********** Edgar:**

what

 

**************[00:18]************ Me:**

GIVE THEM TO ME

DELETE THEM FROM YOUR PHONE

 

**************[00:20]************ Edgar:**

holy f u took nude pics???

DID U SEND THEM TO RUKI????

LMFAO

 

****************[00:20]************** Me:**

NO.

I DID NOT TAKE THEM.

THEY WERE TAKEN FROM ME.

WHERE ARE THEY IF YOU DON’T HAVE THEM.

 

****************[00:21]************** Edgar:**

some1 stole ur nudes

omg im dying im telling ruki

 

******************[00:21]**************** Me:**

SHUT UP YOU DISGUSTING PIECE OF HUMAN GARBAGE.

GO SIT IN A TRASH CAN WHERE YOU BELONG.

 

******************[00:21]**************** Edgar:**

man fuck you

you and your brothers flopping your cocks around

a family of flashers

 

******************[00:21]**************** Me:**

SHUU TOOK THEM.

I WAS NOT AWARE OF IT. NOW SHUT UP.

 

******************[00:22]**************** Edgar:**

jesusfuck this is rich

ur not very smart are you

shuu took the pics so who do u think has them

 

******************[00:22]**************** Me:**

DO YOU THINK I AM AN IMBECILE.

I ALREADY ASKED HIM.

HE SENT THEM ELSEWHERE.

 

******************[00:23]**************** Edgar:**

u have how many other bros

go thru the list

 

******************[00:23]**************** Me:**

UGH.

 

******************[00:34]**************** Edgar:**

im still telling ruki

 

\---

 **[Ayato - to - Subaru]**  

 

**[11:13] Me:**

subaru help me

man help me im dyin

somethins wrong

help ur niisan

 

**[11:14] Hulk:**

what

where tf are u

im sleeping

 

****[11:14]** Me: **

bathroom

im dyin

 

****[11:15]** Hulk:**

GROSS IM nOT gOIn IN THEre

I CAN SMEll It DOWN T HE HALL

sMELLS LIKE DEATH

DUDE did YOU sHIT OUT a DEAD AnIMAL?????

 

**[11:17] Me:**

pls help

ididnt kno vampires shit like this

 

****[11:17]** Hulk:**

oh gross tf did u EAT??

 

****[11:19]** Me:**

laito dared me to drink like 5 milkshakes

all at once

 

****[11:19]** Hulk:**

dude ur a fuckin dumbass

r u allergic to milk

 

****[11:20]** Me:**

i dunno it hurts godjesus

 

****[11:21]** Hulk:**

im nOT going in there

ill get reiji

 

****[11:21]** Me:**

FUckkkk NOOOOO ANYONe BUT HIM

 

******[11:22]**** Hulk:**

I mean HAVE FUN SHITTN UR BRAINS OUT

IF THATS WHAT U Want

 

******[11:22]**** Me: **

fUUUCkkkKKKKKK

 

\---

 **[Subaru - to - Laito]**  

 

**[11:18] Bimbo:**

neeeee is that Ayato??

(,,꒪꒫꒪,,)

 

****[11:19]** Me:**

yeah

hes sick in the bathroom

 

****[11:27]** Bimbo:**

i hear screaming

(⊙△⊙✿)

 

**[11:28] Me:**

diarrhea

from the milkshakes

 

**[11:28] Bimbo:**

but screaming

 

**[11:30] Me:**

reijis in there

 

**[11:30] Bimbo:**

lolllllllll

 

\---

 **[Laito - to - Reiji]**  

 

**[12:27] Disgusting Glasses Man:**

Go and clean the bathroom.

 

**[12:29] Me:**

FUCK NO LOL

（⌒▽⌒ゞ

 

**[12:29] Disgusting Glasses Man:**

You were the one to force the milkshakes into him.

So you will clean the bathroom.

 

****[12:30]** Me:**

ughhh why cant u do it mom

 

****[12:31]** Disgusting Glasses Man:**

I am currently cleaning HIM up. Understand?

 

******[12:31]**** Me:**

that could be read a number of ways

◟(◔₀◔ )◞ 

 

**[12:32] Disgusting Glasses Man:**

Read it in the way that means I will come and separate your balls from your body if you do not do as I tell you.

 

**[12:32] Me:**

ugh fine

 

**[12:36] Me:**

holy shit wtf happened


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Whoops, this fic became a series of subplots. Did I just write a serious chapter?

****[Laito - to - Subaru]** **

 

**[06:11] Me:**

well mom got all the ayatoshit sorted I GUeSSSssss

took it a bit far redoing the kitchen tho

 

****[06:11]** Home Depot’s GF:**

what

 

****[06:12]** Me:**

did u not look in the fridge

all the milk products r on a shelf with “NO, AYATO”

 

****[06:13]** Home Depot’s GF:**

no more shit cleanin I guess

 

****[06:14]** Me:**

very funny!!!!

how was I supposed to know he was allergic???

<(｀^´)>

not fair

meanwhile u get a free pass

 

****[06:14]** Home Depot’s GF:**

hey im the fuckin errand boy

not a free pass

 

****[06:15]** Me:**

go buy more condoms errand boy

(•̀o•́)ง

 

****[06:15]** Home Depot’s GF:**

shove it in a fuckin sock

 

\---

**[Ruki - to - Azusa]**

 

****[15:59]** Me:**

Have you seen Kou today.

He hasn't come out of his room.

 

******[16:01]**** Azusa:**

oh

no sorry

:(

 

********[16:01]****** Me:**

It’s all right.

I’m a bit worried about him.

Have you spoken to him lately.

 

********[16:02]****** Azusa:**

kinda

didnt seem too good

 

********[16:02]****** Me:**

His agency called and said that he hadn’t been to work in a few days.

 

********[16:04]****** Azusa:**

um

might be a

problem right

 

********[16:05]****** Me: **

If it continues, yes.

We don’t need people snooping around trying to see what’s wrong.

And we especially don’t need paparazzi.

 

********[16:05]****** Azusa:**

mm tru

ill talk to him

 

\---

 **[Azusa - to - Kou]**  

 

********[16:17]****** Idol Friend:**

i hear you outside my room go away

 

**********[16:17]******** Me:**

:(

sorry

come out to talk

 

**********[16:18]******** Idol Friend:**

dont wanna im busy

 

**********[16:18]******** Me:**

doin what

 

**********[16:18]******** Idol Friend:**

hw

 

**********[16:19]******** Me:**

you don’t do hw

:(

 

************[16:48]********** Idol Friend:**

azusa please go away

 

**************[16:49]************ Me:**

no

:(

I will sit here

all day

all night

 

**************[16:49]************ Idol Friend:**

god

im too tired to come out

 

**************[16:50]************ Me:**

ok

ill stay here

but keep texting

 

****************[16:52]************** Idol Friend:**

im confused abt somethin

 

******************[16:52]**************** Me:**

abt what

 

******************[16:53]**************** Idol Friend:**

its hard fr me to say

what if u dont like me anymore

 

********************[16:53]****************** Me:**

but I love u

no matter what

 

********************[16:53]****************** Idol Friend**

ok

dont tell the others

don’t tell anyone

do u swear

 

********************[16:54]****************** Me:**

i swear

 

**********************[16:54]******************** Idol Friend:**

ok uh

 

**********************[16:59]******************** Idol Friend:**

so you know how like ilike girls and everything

and they like me a lot bc of my work

andi spend a lot of time withthem and stuff

and i always have girls w me at school

 

************************[17:00]********************** Me:**

yeah

 

**************************[17:03]************************ Idol Friend:**

and youknow how a while back

laito sent me somepictures

thinking i was a girl

 

**************************[17:04]************************ Me:**

yeah

 

**************************[17:04]************************ Idol Friend**

i still have the pictureson my phone

 

**************************[17:04]************************ Me:**

mhm

 

****************************[17:05]************************** Idol Friend:**

sometiems i look at them

ani think i like… him? like the same way i like girls and think girls are pretty

its weird i dontk now

 

******************************[17:06]**************************** Me:**

its not

its ok

:)

if u like him

its not weird

 

******************************[17:06]**************************** Idol Friend:**

?

its not

 

******************************[17:07]**************************** Me:**

no

:)

y u think

i dont love u

 

********************************[17:07]****************************** Idol Friend:**

idk im scared to tell yuuma

 

********************************[17:08]****************************** Me:**

then dont

u dont have to

 

**********************************[17:08]******************************** Idol Friend:**

okay

ill come to dinner later

 

**********************************[17:09]******************************** Me:**

ok

ruki was worried 2

 

**********************************[17:09]******************************** Idol Friend:**

sorry im ok I promise

thanks

 

**********************************[17:10]******************************** Me:**

talk later

if u want

 

**********************************[17:10]******************************** Idol Friend:**

okay

 

\---

 **[Kou - to - Laito]**  

 

**[19:23] Me:**

hey

( ﾟ▽ﾟ)/

 

****[21:05]** Ass with a Hat:**

Ughh whadya want now

 

******[21:06]**** Me:**

Jeeez just saying hey!!

don’t be rude

 

 

******[21:06]**** Ass with a Hat:**

last time u texted me u said i had a micropenis

and threatened to tear it off

IN THE SAME SENTENCE

like fuck u i dnt wanna talk 2 u

 

******[21:08]**** Me:**

uhhhh sorry i was pretty mad

(^◇^；)

ur bro was being p nasty tho can u blame me??

 

********[21:09]****** Ass with a Hat:**

w/e im too tired to argue

Fucking disgusting Reiji made me clean shit

 

********[21:10]****** Me:**

literal shit? eww dude

((((；゜Д゜)))

 

********[21:10]****** Ass with a Hat:**

yeah fuck that

i always have to clean the bathroom

it sucks ass

 

********[21:11]****** Me:**

u have my sympathies

(Θ︹Θ)ს


	17. Chapter 17

****[Subaru - to - Shuu]** **

 

**[05:44] Oniisan:**

_Sending image file…_

_Sending image file…_

_Sending image file…_

_Sending image file…_

_Sending image file…_

****[05:46]** Me:**

WHaT

tH He

Fuck

??? ?!?! ?!? !??

 

******[05:46]**** Oniisan:**

presnt 4 u

collect em all

 

******[05:47]**** Me:**

NO NO NONONO.

I don’t WANT THEM ALL.

I dont want ANY OF THEM

 

**[05:48] Oniisan:**

2 late

ayato dick 5evur

 

**[05:48] Me:**

STOP this IS BULLYIhng

 

**[05:49] Oniisan:**

ayato wanted u 2 c

2 have them n b happy

 

**[05:51] Me:**

im not I hate u

whats wrong w you???

s t o ppppp ppp pp

 

**[05:51] Oniisan:**

all done

 

****[05:52]** Oniisan:**

need ur nudes tho

think of boobs and take pic

 

****[05:57]** Me:**

  1. FuCK ALL of YOU G eT AWAY FROM MY DOooR.



 

****[05:58]** Oniisan:**

no escape

Keeper of the Nudes

 

\---

 **[Ayato - to - Subaru]**  

 

**[05:54] Me:**

_Sending image file…_

so is it bigger or smaller

 

**[05:54] Hulk:**

Ayato I CNat EXpREss MY EMOTIONal DIStRESS Over TExT BUT LEaVE ME ALOne

 

****[05:54]** Me:**

u gonna cry?

must b smaller

 

****[05:55]** Hulk:**

FUCK YOU FUCK YOuFUCKuYouFUCKuou

 

****[05:55]** Me:**

2in punisher

inch worm

1in wonder

peenie weenie

shrimp dick

 

****[05:58]** Me:**

u rlly cryin ?

 

****[05:59]** Hulk:**

StOP SENDING you r NudES ill block all ur NubmERS

 

\---

 **[Subaru - to - Reiji]**  

 

**[05:59] Me:**

oniisan

 

**[06:00] Royal Pain:**

I’m not sure how to reply to this.

 

****[06:00]** Me:**

please help me

 

****[06:01]** Royal Pain:**

What is the matter?

Are you at home?

 

****[06:01]** Me:**

at home in my room

they want

my dick

 

****[06:01]** Royal Pain:**

What?

 

****[06:02]** Me:**

they want pictures of my dick

 

****[06:02]** Royal Pain:**

Who wants them?

 

****[06:02]** Me:**

ayato and shuu

 

****[06:02]** Royal Pain:**

Why?

 

****[06:03]** Me:**

im “keeper of the nudes”

they keep sending me nude pics randomly

I dont want them pls help

ffff they wont leave me alone

 

****[06:04]** Royal Pain:**

Keeper of the nudes?

That’s right… I saw when I borrowed it once.

I see now.

Bring your phone to my room.

I’ll handle it when I return home.

 

\---

 **[Kou - to - Laito]**  

 

**[20:10] Me:**

Heyyy

σ(≧ε≦ｏ)

 

****[20:11]** Ass with a Hat:**

what

 

****[20:11]** Me:**

grumpy grumpy again

(p^-^)p

 

****[20:12]** Ass with a Hat:**

what u want

 

****[20:12]** Me:**

cant just say hi? jeez

⋆* ⁑⋆* (๑•n•)⋆* ⁑⋆*

 

****[20:13]** Ass with a Hat:**

I guess

hi

im busy reiji is yelling at us again

 

****[20:13]** Me:**

again?

 

****[20:14]** Me:**

well if u need a place to hide a while we have a guest room

⊙△⊙

 

****[20:14]** Ass with a Hat:**

i didnt even do it!!!

ayato and shuu are the ones he should yell at

hes so annoying

 

****[20:15]** Me:**

凸ಠ益ಠ)凸

that's 4 reiji

 

****[20:15]** Ass with a Hat:**

lol

凸(｀⌒´メ)凸

4 reiji

 

****[20:16]** Me:**

ᕙ(⇀‸↼‶)ᕗ

 

****[20:16]** Ass with a Hat:**

(๑•̀ᗝ•́)૭

 

****[20:16]** Me: **

(ノಠ益ಠ)ノ彡┻━┻

 

****[20:17]** Ass with a Hat:**

(ノಠ ∩ಠ)ノ彡( o°o)

lol

shit he’s mad i have my phone out

 

****[20:18]** Me:**

oopsie

(૭ ◉o◉)૭⁾⁾⁾⁾


	18. Chapter 18

**[Shuu - to - Laito]**

 

**[23:14] Me:**

proposal

lets

kill

reiji

 

****[23:16]** Clitty Litter:**

as much as id like

wouldnt the old bastard be upset

 

****[23:18]** Me:**

hm

lets send rage far away

 

******[23:18]**** Clitty Litter:**

hed still manage 2 b a shithead

 

******[23:18]**** Me:**

I have a dream

 

******[23:19]**** Clitty Litter:**

no wonder you sleep constantly

(*´ч ` *)

 

\---

 **[Ruki - to - Reiji]**  

 

**[00:46] Sakamaki R:**

As a child I once asked Santa Claus to make me an only child.

And instead, I witnessed the birth of the very worst set of triplets alive.

No consideration.

No manners.

 

****[00:47]** Me:**

Tragic.

 

****[00:47]** Sakamaki R:**

Quiet.

There is no one else to speak to about this matter.

 

**[00:48] Me:**

And you thought I would be inclined to listen.

 

****[00:48]** Sakamaki R:**

Not particularly.

I required a place to vent my frustrations.

 

****[00:49]** Me:**

As if I do not have things of my own to deal with.

 

****[00:50]** Sakamaki R:**

I didn't insinuate that you did not..

 

******[00:53]**** Me:**

I’m busy.

We will talk later.

 

\---

 **[Azusa - to - Ruki]**  

 

**[04:02] Sir Friend:**

Have you finished your project with Kanato.

 

****[04:03]** Me:**

turned in

2day

 

****[04:03]** Sir Friend:**

Good.

And it seems Kou returned to work.

Was he ill?

 

****[04:05]** Me:**

yeah

better now

um

i think

he fought w someone

at work

idk

 

****[04:07]** Sir Friend:**

I see.

It seems resolved now.

 

****[04:07]** Me:**

yeah

 

****[04:08]** Sir Friend: **

I’ll talk to him later about it.

That second Sakamaki is bothering me.

 

****[04:10]** Me:**

oh

:O

 

****[04:011]** Sir Friend:**

Anyway.

Dinner will be ready in a little bit.

 

\---

 **[Yuuma - to - Shuu]**  

 

****[12:39]** Me:**

oi

 

******[12:52]**** NEET:**

?

 

********[12:53]****** Me:**

cant u fuckin move outta the way in the hall

stepping on ur damn lazy ass between classes

bad enough that we have to look at ur face

 

********[12:53]****** NEET:**

sleepin

 

********[12:54]****** Me:**

how bout i put u to sleep permanently

 

********[12:54]****** NEET:**

not bad idea

saves from wakin up

troublesome

 

********[12:58]****** Me:**

What

holy f ur texts are so fuckin incoherent

how do ur dumbass bros read this

 

********[12:59]****** NEET:**

_Sending image file…_

********[12:59]****** Me:**

fuck u 2

 

********[13:02]****** NEET:**

k

we even

 

**********[13:03]******** Me:**

um no the fuck we r not

stay outta my way when im walkin

 

**********[13:04]******** NEET:**

stay outta my walkin when ur in the way

 

**********[13:04]******** Me: **

??

What ? ?

are u high ? ?

 

**********[13:05]******** NEET:**

damn

good idea

 

\---

 **[Kou - to - Laito]**  

 

**[20:14] Me:**

hey!!

(๑^っ^๑)

 

****[20:15]** Ass with a Hat:**

uh

hey ?

 

****[20:15]** Me:**

haha there u go

don't act like it kills you

ヾ（ ◕◡◕ ）ノ

****[20:16]** Ass with a Hat:**

what did u want now?

 

****[20:16]** Me:**

hnnn?

do I have to need something lololol

 

****[20:18]** Ass with a Hat:**

no but idk

our conversations have been

yelling

blackmail with nudes

who knows what u did with them

 

****[20:19]** Me:**

oh lolol

dont worry i didnt do anything !

 

****[20:20]** Ass with a Hat:**

yeah k

who did u give them to

how much money do i owe to shut them up

 

****[20:20]** Me:**

LOL

no one!!

ヾ(^▽^ヾ)

it was funny enough teasin u

 

****[20:21]** Ass with a Hat:**

(-᷅_-᷄๑)

 

****[20:22]** Me:**

aw lol dont b like that

 

****[20:22]** Ass with a Hat:**

(´｀;) ？

 

****[20:23]** Me:**

ok ok ill make it up 2 u

 

****[20:23]** Ass with a Hat:**

yeah how?

 

****[20:23]** Me:**

i have a show coming up!!

ill get u a ticket!

 

****[20:24]** Ass with a Hat:**

so 50% off

I have to pay for another for my date

(`‐ｪ‐´)

 

****[20:24]** Me:**

a date?

noooo just for u!

 

****[20:25]** Ass with a Hat:**

whats the fun in that

 

**[20:26] Me:**

hmmm

u can come backstage!!

 

****[20:26]** Ass with a Hat:**

Σ(； ･`д･´)

hmmm

and take revenge pictures~

 

****[20:27]** Me:**

what ? ?

(ᗒᗩᗕ)

 

****[20:28]** Ass with a Hat:**

revenge pics~

what embarrassing thing will i see?

 

****[20:29]** Me:**

what!!

hey!!

ゞ◎Д◎ヾ

its a stage outfit!!

its cute!!

with a studded jacket and stuff

 

****[20:30]** Ass with a Hat:**

huh

i guess ill come

for revenge pics

heheheh

(¬‿¬)


	19. Chapter 19

**[Shin - to - Carla]**

 

**[02:46] Me:**

Niisama

niisama

hey

niisama

hey

hey

 

****[02:46]** Nii-sama:**

what

 

****[02:46]** Me:**

saw the family of smellies

the smelliest smell that i smelt

 

****[02:47]** Nii-sama:**

congrats

 

****[02:47]** Me:**

hey

niisama

hey

do u think the mirror knows how beautiful it is

do u think

u think ?

 

****[02:47]** Nii-sama:**

i will never buy u catnip again

say goodbye to it

im throwing it away

 

****[02:48]** Me:**

good bye my friends

goodbye

good

bye

bye bye bye

 

****[02:49]** Nii-sama:**

  1. go to bed



 

****[02:50]** Me:**

I wanna see u out that door

baby

bye bye bye

 

****[02:51]** Nii-sama:**

shin

stop

 

******[02:51]**** Me:**

dont wanna b a fool 4 u

just another player in ur game fr 2

u may hate me

but it aint no lie

baby

bye bye bye

 

******[02:52]**** Nii-sama:**

shin.

 

******[02:53]**** Me:**

might sound crazy

but it aint no lie

baby

bye

bye

bye

 

******[02:54]**** Nii-sama:**

SHIN.

 

******[02:54]**** Me:**

guess what

 

******[02:55]**** Nii-sama:**

what

 

******[02:55]**** Me:**

its gonna be me

 

******[02:56]**** Nii-sama:**

shin that's the wrong song

 

\---

**[Shuu - to - Ayato]**

 

**[00:35] Shut up:**

ugh

this is worse than last time!!!

hes so fuckin smug

UGH GUGHSLKJFDSJLKSDf

 

****[00:48]** Me:**

sucks ya

 

******[00:48]**** Shut up:**

ur real ho hum about this

 

******[01:24]**** Me:**

this is how he acts

@ me

24/7

365

 

********[01:24]****** Shut up:**

u g h

fuckin otaku

ill break all his presh masturbate plates

 

********[01:25]****** Me:**

whats a ^

 

********[01:26]****** Shut up:**

what

speak sentences

type*

 

********[01:27]****** Me:**

whats masturbate plates

 

********[01:28]****** Shut up:**

u kno

he prolly like

beats off to spoons

“oh fuck yes mmm saucepan”

never seen a woman with him

 

********[01:28]****** Me:**

omg

lol

no fuck tho

 

********[01:29]****** Shut up:**

o right 

he wouldnt say that

fuck is too VULGARrRRRrRR

“oh my gosh golly darn mr fork”

“your long limbs are so lewd”

 

********[01:37]****** Me:**

omg g

lewd

 

********[01:28]****** Shut up:**

he said hes tellin dad

abt the nudes ykno

fuckin tattle

 

********[01:29]****** Me:**

nothin’ll happen

dad prolly will think its funny

  

********[01:30]****** Shut up:**

yeah u right

he wont do shit

lazy bastard

 

********[01:34]****** Shut up:**

k but

wat if he did!!!

punish us

 

********[01:47]****** Me:**

huh

 

**********[01:47]******** Shut up:**

idk he put laito in the dungeon right

and u went off somewhere

 

**********[01:48]******** Me:**

guess i gotta fight another bear

protect my chastity

 

**********[01:48]******** Shut up:**

LMAO

 

\---

 **[Subaru - to - Kanato]**  

 

**[04:19] Teddy:**

where’s the pudding

and the cake

 

****[04:21]** Me:**

r u stupid

ur not getting after the shit that went down

 

******[04:21]**** Teddy:**

then go get me some

ur the only one hes not mad at

 

******[04:22]**** Me:**

fuck off im not ur slave

 

******[04:22]**** Teddy:**

do it slave

I will pee on u while u sleep

 

******[04:23]**** Me:**

EW JESUs FUCK

WTF

 

******[04:24]**** Teddy:**

i dont deserve this

I didnt even do anything

 

******[04:24]**** Me:**

UM Yes THE FUCK U DID

YOUSENT ME DRUNK FISTING PICs

 

******[04:25]**** Teddy:**

ewwww fisting ewwww

what kind of dreams do you have thinking something like that

whats wrong with u

 

******[04:25]**** Me:**

WHAts WRONG WIith??? YOU???

ALL OF YOU

 

******[04:26]**** Teddy:**

we’re prettier than u

we like our dicks n ass

 

******[04:27]**** Me:**

SO YUo REMEMBER

 

******[04:27]**** Teddy:**

┐(ﾟ～ﾟ)┌

 

******[04:28]**** Me:**

man fuck u

worst brother ever

 

******[04:28]**** Teddy:**

♡ ♡ ♡

 

\---

**[Kou - to - Azusa]**

 

**[13:38] Ellipses:**

hi

 

****[13:38]** Me:**

hey!

Azusa!

guess what!

 

****[13:38]** Ellipses:**

what

 

****[13:38]** Me:**

I have a special guest for my show!!

 

****[13:38]** Ellipses:**

who

 

******[13:38]**** Me:**

guess !!!

lol

 

******[13:41]**** Ellipses:**

um

…

me

 

********[13:41]****** Me:**

uhhhh no (p^-^)p

i invited laito

 

********[13:42]****** Ellipses:**

oh

 

**********[13:42]******** Me:**

sorry !!

u can come next time!!

(•́⌄•́๑)૭

 

**********[13:42]******** Ellipses:**

ok

i hope it is

a good time

:)

 

**********[13:43]******** Me:**

yeah!!

imnervous lol

what if I mess up

(｡´･д･)o

 

**********[13:44]******** Ellipses:**

itll b

really good

:)

thumbs up

u practiced

lots

 

**********[13:45]******** Me:**

yeah

ur right!!

⁽(◍˃̵͈̑ᴗ˂̵͈̑)⁽

 

************[13:45]********** Ellipses:**

tell me how

it goes

 

************[13:45]********** Me:**

ヾ(｡･ω･)ｼ


End file.
